hopeful hearts

Valentines Day...

2012-02-23T13:30:00.010-08:00

So, it's been awhile since I posted on this blog. But in this case, no news is good news right? Cooper is doing great, he is now 3 1/2 and is still as crazy and active as ever. Every single day I catch myself looking at him and thinking to myself what a miracle he is. Words can't express how thankful I am to have him in my life and doing so well! If you have followed my blog in the past you will probably remember that we usually get bad news in February and it is NOT my favorite month of the year. Valentines Day takes on a whole new meaning when you are stuck in the hospital or preparing for open-heart surgery...Somehow those cute little hearts everywhere just don't sit well with you and I will admit, ever since Cooper has been born I dread February and especially Valentines Day. But last year for the first time since his birth we celebrated V-day with Cooper being heart healthy and this year Valentines Day took on an entirely new meaning to me when our family got some exciting news...I will post about that later :)

Anyways, I am slowly getting over my Valentines Day phobia and realizing that life really can go on and I am so grateful it has! I am so blessed for so many reasons, especially for my wonderful husband and 3 amazing little boys. I am now realizing that Valentines Day is the perfect time to celebrate! So here's to many more awesome February's bringing good news and picture perfect Valentines Day's surrounded by the people that I love!

love...

2011-02-07T17:13:00.001-08:00

It's Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Week Feb. 7-14 and I can't help but feel SO blessed that our little Cooper is doing so well! This is the first year since he has been born that we haven't been planning/preparing for a heart surgery during Valentines Day. Having gone through this for the past 2 years has given the "month of love" a whole new meaning to our family...Give your loved ones a hug and say a prayer for all the Heart Angels & Heart Hero's!

before my heart stops...

2010-08-21T12:10:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to share this with you all...Paul Cardall, who is not only an amazing pianist but a CHD/Heart Transplant survivor and HUGE inspiration to me and many others has written an amazing book that I can't wait to get my hands on. {I think it comes out September 9th} He is such a great guy and I have had many touching experiences involving him over the last 2 years, so don't forget to check it out :)

heart moms unite...

2010-08-20T13:08:00.000-07:00

Back in May I was invited to attend a very special event that I will never forget. Carolyn Quigley, President of Intermountain Healing Hearts, put on an amazing luncheon at Gardner Village to bring together and honor "heart moms." It was so touching for me to meet so many other women who have been through and are currently going through similar experiences as me and my sweet Cooper.

Margaret Cardall, who is the mother of the amazing pianist and CHD/heart transplant survivor Paul Cardall was the keynote speaker and she gave an inspiring talk about how important mommies are to these amazing, fragile, and courageous little heart kids.

She told about all of her experiences with Paul and how she got through them and how all of her trials made her a better mother and a stronger woman. It was just what I needed to hear and really strengthened me and gave me courage to face what may be to come. Following her speech Paul played his beautiful music for us and I am pretty sure he brought just about every single one of us to tears. He is amazing.

That afternoon I bonded with each and every one of those 100+ heart moms, it felt so good to be able to come together with something so awful and emotional in common but at the same time be lifted up by each others knowledge and strength. It truly was a day to remember...

Miracle Mason...

2010-06-23T15:37:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to let all of my awesome friends and family know about a fundraiser that is being held tonight for an amazing cause.

As many of you know our little Cooper was born with a heart defect and has already been through 2 open heart surgeries in the last year. It hasn't been easy but I feel extremely blessed that he is doing so well. I am also very thankful for the amazing support that I have received from other Utah heart moms. I have met so many wonderful women who are raising precious little heart kids just like Cooper and it has been such a comfort for me to learn from them and follow their stories.

One person who has really touched me is little "Miracle Mason's" mom Summer. Although I have never met Summer in person I feel very close to her and I check her blog regularly. She and her family are so strong and are such amazing examples to me, and her little miracle baby Mason is the cutest little guy ever. My heart goes out to her and her family, they have all been through so much and yet they continue to be so strong. You can read more about Mason's incredible story here http://miraclemason.blogspot.com

Tonight {Wednesday, June 23rd} at 7:00 pm at Blue Lemon in Highland there is going to be a benefit and celebration night for little Mason. Friends and family of the Strickland's have put together a silent auction and a concert featuring Paul Cardall. Tickets are just $10 and you will have a chance to win some amazing prizes, including some darling heart jewelry donated by me:)

Luckiest Mommy Ever...

2010-05-11T14:24:00.001-07:00

I often wonder what I did to deserve these 3 little guys in my life...I guess I must have done something right:) I couldn't feel more blessed to be a mommy to these amazing kids and I am especially thankful this Mothers Day for my little Cooper and how great he is doing. Happy Mother's Day everyone!!!

Before I was a Mom...

2010-05-11T14:22:00.001-07:00

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooed on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body..
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom

As moms may we always be overwhelmed by the Grace of God

rather than by the cares of life!!!

Inspiration...

2010-05-07T22:20:00.001-07:00

I saw this video on a friends blog and had to steal it and add it to mine too! It made my day and really helped me to stop and think of all that I have to be grateful for...hopefully it will do the same for you:)

Checkup...

2010-03-31T21:31:00.001-07:00

It's hard to believe that our little trooper had open-heart surgery just 2 weeks ago! He is doing so good, it's amazing how fast he recovered once we got home. Judd and I keep joking that he must having been saving all his energy up for after he got home from the hospital. He has always been a busy little guy, but he is now even crazier than ever and seriously never sits still! I have to chase him all over the house just to try to get him to eat something.

I took him to his 2 week post-surgery checkup up at Primary last week and they said he looked great! The x-ray looked perfect and they did an EKG and said that everything looked good. I was so thrilled to have good news for once! We have to take him back in July for an ECHO and hopefully things will still be looking good...

Of course I still worry every single day about his heart and I wonder if that subaortic membrane is going to grow back. I worry about how many surgeries might be in store for him and what his quality of life is going to be like...but I try not to think about it too much. Going through this for the 2nd time has made me realize that life cannot be planned and that we are rarely ever really in control of what happens in our lives as much as we all want to be. Being the planner that I am, and also being the very impatient person that I am, has made this a very hard thing for me to embrace...but I now have a greater appreciation for life and I am trying to just live in the moment and enjoy each day as it comes. Cooper is healthy right now and that's all that matters, we are just gonna roll with the punches and have a great summer!

Our little braveheart...

2010-03-11T13:56:00.001-08:00

We're Home!!!

2010-03-11T13:21:00.001-08:00

Well, the worst is behind us and we are now trying to adjust back to normal life. Cooper is doing great besides the fact that he won't eat. He isn't much of an eater in general but since his surgery he has seriously not eaten a thing! We are constantly offering him all of his favorite foods and he is just not interested at all. I hope he gets over it soon...

I just wanted to write a quick post and let everyone know how much I appreciated your sweet comments, your prayers, and thoughtfulness. I seriously feel so blessed to have each of you in my life. While we were up at the hospital I tried to keep everyone updated through facebook and each time I would post something new I would get SO many uplifting comments from all of you. It is so nice to have such a great support system. I think we now know that Cooper is one LOVED little boy! He had his entire crib filled with cards and stuffed animals and he had so many visitors that we almost couldn't keep up with them.

We were even fortunate enough to get a visit from Carolyn Quigley, president of Intermountain Healing Hearts. It meant so much to me that she cared enough about Cooper and our family to stop by, I admire her more than she will ever know. She is an amazing lady! And so many other "heart moms" that I barely know have been calling and emailing me each and every day. I feel so grateful to have met these women and to have them in my life. I know that these friendships we have formed will last a lifetime and that together we can get through whatever new adventure comes our way. It is so nice to have someone to talk to that has been through it all and really knows how I feel.

I truly feel blessed to be Cooper's mommy, he is a very special little boy. I know that Heavenly Father will watch over and protect him and that he can get through anything. He has proved that to us several times this week. He is a little fighter and he is not gonna let having a heart defect slow him down!

***You can check out my latest project at www.thehopefulhearts.com

I have been busy designing an entire collection of heart inspired jewelry and I plan on donating all the profits to help kids and families with Congenital Heart Defects. Thank you for your support!!!

Cooper the Trooper (day #5)

2010-03-11T12:37:00.000-08:00

The next day we were informed that we would be able to go home...YAY!!! I was worried that we would have to stay another day after the yucky night he had the night before, but I think the nurses realized that he would recover much better at home so that was the plan. We ordered Cooper in some pancakes (which he didn't even touch, he just flung them all around the room:) and started getting things packed up. Right before we were ready to leave our nurse came in and told us that the healing dog was on the floor and she wanted to know if Cooper wanted to see him. He was dead asleep and as soon as he heard the word "dog" he perked right up and about jumped off the bed:) He is obsessed with doggies so he was so excited when he got to have a real one in his hospital bed! It was the perfect way to end our stay at the hospital. It was a rough week, but we felt so blessed to have such amazing people taking care of our little guy. Primary Children's is such a neat place, every single person we came in contact with was so great and we will never forget them...

Cooper the Trooper (day #4)

2010-03-11T12:36:00.001-08:00

The next day we knew we would be leaving the PICU and going up to a recovery room on the 3rd floor. We were so excited! Cooper was doing great and he was ready to go, but it ended up taking much longer than expected. We didn't get to leave until about 3:00 so we were a little bummed and spent much of the day waiting anxiously. But it was really exciting because we got one of our favorite nurses that took care of Cooper last time as our nurse for that day and it was so fun to see her and catch up. She couldn't believe how big Cooper had gotten and how good he was doing, it was really great to see her:)

We played with toys and walked around the PICU with him and my dad was sweet enough to bring us up a delicious lunch and he sat with Cooper for awhile so Judd and I could eat together. He is so thoughtful and loves Cooper so much, he definitely has that "grandpa touch."

Later that day we were released and headed up to the 3rd floor...Cooper was so excited to have a change of scenery and so were we! We now had our own room with a fold-out bed next to his crib and we even had our own bathroom...It was amazing! They brought him in toys and he was able to get down and play and he even watched a doggie movie, which he was very enthusiastic about:)

I think after getting out of the PICU we were finally able to see the light at the end of the tunnel and we knew that we would be able to take him home soon. He even got to have a special visit from his big brothers, which was just precious...Things were looking good and it was a great feeling!

But of course, in true Cooper tradition, he had to have another little challenge in there somewhere so he started in with the throwing up again and had another terrible night. He was mobile now and did not want to lay in his crib or go to sleep and the poor little guy was so shaky and couldn't keep anything down. He was just miserable, so finally the nurse took away his crib in the middle of the night and replaced it with a regular hospital bed and I was able to lay in it with him and he did so much better. I don't think I slept a wink all night because I was trying to keep his monitors on and I was so afraid he was gonna fall off the bed, but it was so nice to just cuddle and love him all night...It's amazing that with all the medicine and technology we have today that sometimes mommy is still the only thing that can make it all better:)

Cooper the Trooper (day #3)

2010-03-11T12:34:00.001-08:00

Day 3 was a much better day...we had a long night the night before but Cooper was able to get a little rest and the Dr's felt like he was ready to start waking up. They came in 1st thing in the morning and took out his 2 chest tubes, the iv's in his neck and took him off of all of his meds and oxygen. I was really worried about how he would respond and how much pain he would be in but he did surprisingly well. It was so nice to hold and cuddle him with out all of the tubes everywhere. He just had a few things left on him but they were on his chest and feet so he was able to move much more freely and we even got to take him for a wagon ride through the PICU. He could barely open his eyes but he was so excited to leave his room...I think we finally felt like we were getting our sweet little baby back, it was so exciting!

They decided to keep him in the PICU just one more night to monitor him and make sure he was ok without all of the meds and oxygen. He continued to do great and was up and walking around (with a little help) later that night. He was able to have a baba and we even ordered him in room service. He was so excited to eat and drink but later that night he started having a hard time. He was very shaky, throwing up and itching like crazy. We later realized that he was having a bit of a reaction from the oral lortab they had been giving him so we took him off of that and he did much better. He was now just taking tylenol and motrin, which I thought was amazing considering what he had been through. He is such a little fighter!

Cooper the Trooper (day #2)

2010-03-11T12:32:00.001-08:00

Day 2 started out good. He was a little less sedated that morning so I was able to hold him. It surprised me how different things were from last time. Last year he was sleeping for almost 3 days straight and this time his eyes were fluttering and he was flinching a bit just a few hours after surgery. It was amazing to hold him, but he still had his 2 chest tubes, tons of monitors on him, and 3 different iv's and leads and pacer wires everywhere so it was a difficult task, but one that I of course didn't mind:) He was doing so great that the nurses said he would probably be able to go up to the floor that night if we could get him to wake up a bit and eat. I was so excited to see some of those tubes disappear and I couldn't wait to see his beautiful blue eyes...

After moving him around a bit and holding him he was a little irritated. He started to cry and get upset so they gave him some more pain meds and told us that we could try again later, but after we put him down things only got worse...He continued to cry and as he did he held his breath. He had never done this before so it scared me to death! He turned blue and then purple and his little body was so tight we couldn't even control him. Even the nurse acted a little freaked out so I fumbled through all the tangled cords and picked him up. He calmed down for awhile, but as the day progressed he did it again several times and later that afternoon he held his breath for so long that he seriously turned black and passed out!!! I was holding him in my arms when it happened and the nurses and Judd and I tried to settle him down and talk him through it like we had done before but nothing was working and he was not looking good...We frantically tried to move him back to his crib and as we did he pulled out his art line and blood went shooting everywhere, it was seriously like in the movies! Nurses and Dr's rushed in to help and I had no idea what was happening, I was covered in blood and my baby was passed out on the table...I was so scared and I felt like I was going to pass out too, Judd yelled for someone to get me out of there and one of the nurses grabbed my arm and pulled me into the hall.

A few seconds later Cooper started to breathe again and I could hear him cry but I was still so upset...No one could figure out why he was doing this so they decided to do an emergency ECHO to make sure he wasn't hypertensive. I really started to panic when I heard that. I had been worrying about his lungs all along and we were told that that was one of the main reasons why he needed the surgery in the first place. His heart was working so hard because of the scar tissue that was surrounding it that his lungs were being effected.

They had us leave the PICU and rushed in the ECHO machine and began sedating him. Judd and I went into the sleep room and just prayed that he would be ok and that his lungs would be ok and that we could figure out what was wrong with him. I was so overwhelmed and emotional and I couldn't imagine having to deal with lung problems on top of all of this. We were pretty scared for awhile but the cardiologist came in and talked to us and said that they ECHO looked great. It was such a relief!

After talking to Cooper's surgeon, his cardiologist, the anesthesiologist, and several nurses we decided that since there was nothing wrong with his lungs that it was most likely a combination of all of the meds he was taking that were making him act so strange and also the fact that he was scared to death and upset everytime he opened his eyes...We decided that it would be best to just keep him heavily sedated through the night and let him rest and then in the morning we would pull all of the tubes and iv's and take him off of all of his meds and let him wake up on his own. We all agreed that would be best and we spent the entire night comforting him and trying to get him through the night without holding his breath again. Judd and his dad gave him a blessing that he would be comforted and calm and I think after that we all felt a lot better.

Judd and I both slept in his room and took turns sitting by his bedside. Throughout the night he kept calling out mommmmy.....dadddddy.....owwwwwie.... and we would just rub his head and try to comfort him back to sleep. It was the cutest/saddest thing ever! We couldn't wait for morning to come...

Cooper the Trooper (day #1)

2010-03-11T12:30:00.000-08:00

Cooper went in for his surgery on March 5th and everything went as planned. The surgery lasted just under 6 hours, and although we knew what to expect this time I don't think you can ever be prepared for something like this. This time we brought all kinds of things to keep us busy thinking it would help pass the time, but the majority of the 6 hours were still spent staring at the clock and counting down the seconds until the next update.

We had to be at the hospital at 6 am and I of course didn't sleep a wink the entire night before. We braved the snow storm that so conveniently blew in that day and somehow we made in there on time. The waiting room was busier than I had ever seen it so we had to wait for quite a while just to get in. We then had a quick meeting with our surgeon, Dr. Kaza and our anesthesiologist. They assured us that he would be in good hands but it still didn't make it any easier to say good-bye to our sweet little baby...It was a very hard moment standing in that long hallway outside of the operating room saying our good-byes to little Cooper again. The anesthesiologist had given him some drugs that relaxed him a bit so he just laid calmly in my arms and looked up at us smiling. Judd whispered to him to give him a kiss and he perked up and stuck his little lips out and gave him a big loopy kiss and then leaned over and gave me one too! It was the cutest thing ever...I told him how much I loved him and that he would be ok and I would see him soon and then they scooped him out of my arms and the doors shut. I lost it again, just like last time. I bawled like a baby for a few minutes and then pulled myself together and we headed into the waiting room.

It felt like eternity until we got our first update, but we finally saw Bonnie's familiar face walking down the hall and she informed us that the incision had been made and they were getting started. After a series of updates at about 12:30 the waiting room phone rang and when the nurse called for the parents of Cooper Bundy I about fell off my chair!...All of our updates this time and last tine during his surgeries were done in person so we were not expecting a phone call. My heart sank and I ran to the phone thinking something was definitely wrong. It was Bonnie on the other end and she assured me that everything was going fine...they had just taken him off the heart/lung machine and things were going a bit faster than expected. She just wanted to let us know that they were a bit ahead of schedule and that we would be able to see him in about an hour...I was so relieved! The worst was over and at that moment I knew he was gonna be ok!

We were able to see him at about 1:45 and once again it was one of the greatest moments of my life! It was hard to see him with all of the tubes and iv's and machines he was hooked up to, but I think I knew more what to expect this time around so it made it a bit easier. Since he was older they took out his breathing tube a few hours later, which was great and he was able to have visitors later that night. Because of RSV and H1N1 they wouldn't allow anyone under age 14 in the PICU so the boys didn't get to see him but his grandparents and my little brother were able to come and see him and he had a pretty good 1st night. Judd and I stayed by his side until about midnight and then we took turns sitting by his bed through the night so at least one of us could get some sleep. It was a long night, but we were SO grateful that he was ok that it didn't matter:)

Utah Group Helps "Heart Babies" And Their Families | Utah News, KUTV, 2News, Utah Community

2010-03-10T19:53:00.001-08:00

Here's the clip from the news story we did for channel 2 news. It aired the night before Cooper went in for surgery. You can view the clip by clicking on the red link below...

Utah Group Helps "Heart Babies" And Their Families | Utah News, KUTV, 2News, Utah Community

When Ashlie Bundy found out her baby Cooper had a heart problem, it hit her like a ton of bricks. “I just thought, you are kidding me,” said Ashlie. Cooper’s pediatrician detected a problem during a check-up. Soon Cooper was having open heart surgery to repair holes in his heart. Although Ashlie said she and her husband had plenty of support from family and friends, she felt somewhat alone. “Of course they were there for us to vacuum our floors, bring us dinner. But they don’t know how I feel. They can’t know how I feel,” she said.

That feeling of being all alone was the same thing feeling Carolyn Quigley had years ago, when her newborn daughter Hope underwent surgery for a heart defect. Carolyn, who at that time was a first time mom, was overwhelmed with the responsibility of taking home a newborn, fresh out of surgery. Quigley’s daughter only lived a few months and after she got over her pain, she did not forget that feeling of loneliness. She helped found Intermountain Healing Hearts. “It’s about parents helping other parents,” she said of the group.

Intermountain Healing Hearts is a volunteer, non-profit group. IHH serves families who are in the hospital with a child who is having heart surgery. Quigley said the group’s mission is simple: “The goal is for families to know they are not alone. That there are other families who have been there.” Quigley said often, families whose children have heart surgery make an unexpected, fast trip to the hospital. Some parents travel from neighboring states and have no time to pack clothing. Often those parents have no idea what the surgery will be like and they are not familiar with complicated medical terms and procedures. IHH visits the parents at Primary Children’s Medical Center. The volunteers lend the families in the hospital an ear, they provide food and help them find a place to sleep (if they are from out-of-town). The group also has a “goodie” bag with things like snacks and even socks to keep mom’s feet warm in the hospital room. The group has also written a handbook that explains surgery, after care and other important information to parents. Quigley said the group’s volunteers will be as involved as the family wants.

For Ashlie, the involvement was limited, mostly calls to check on her family and Cooper, but those calls were invaluable to her. Cooper, who is almost two, had another heart surgery the second week of March. Mom reports he is doing well.

For more information go to: www.intermountainhealinghearts.org

Ashlie Bundy makes heart-themed jewelry to help IHH. More information at: www.thehopefulhearts.com

The big day...

2010-03-05T00:12:00.001-08:00

Well, the big day is finally here...we spent most of the day up at Primary Children's today doing all the fun pre-op stuff. Cooper had to get blood-work done, get an x-ray, and a do urine sample among other things. Let's just say it was not a fun day for our little guy:(

It's really hard because he is a year older this time and he gets so scared and nervous every time a nurse even looks at him because he knows something is going on. It just breaks my heart! When he was getting his blood work done today he was SO upset and just kept crying Mommy....Mommy...Ow-wee...Ow-wee...through his big alligator tears:( It is definitely becoming real to me now and I am so sad and scared for him...I wish so badly that I could take his place. I seriously would MUCH rather go through it myself than have to watch him go though it...

I am still very anxious and nervous for him but tonight we had our family over to give Cooper a priesthood blessing and me and Judd and the kids also got blessings as well. I am feeling a bit better about it now, it was an amazing experience and I feel so blessed to have the priesthood in our home. The sweetest part was watching Judd give Braxton a fathers blessing...I looked up at him during the blessing and he had his little eyes closed so tightly and was being so brave but little tiny tears streamed down his face and I know he felt the spirit and was comforted by it.

I feel strongly that Cooper is going to do well and I know that this trail will only bring us closer as a family. As crazy as it sounds I am grateful for this trail because it has made me reflect on what is really important in life. I have felt the love and prayers from so many of you and it means the world to me to be surrounded by so many people who love Cooper and our little family...Thank you, Thank you, Thank you from the bottom of my heart! I will keep you all updated through out the surgery...

***oh and I can't forget to thank my sweet family for coming tonight and for the cute gifts for Cooper. Grandma Bonnie made Cooper the cutest, softest blanket ever and Amanda (aka: Nana) gave Cooper his very own little stuffed "beatball" puppy ( he is obsessed with Nana's pug named Meatball and calls her "beatball.") And of course his grandma's spoiled him rotten with new pj's for the hospital and little toys to play with while he's there.

Thanks so much everyone! I seriously have the best family ever...including my in-laws:) Judd's parents drove all the way here from St. George to help us with the kids and they are staying all week...How sweet are they? Thanks everyone for your thoughtfulness, I love you all!

The waiting game...

2010-02-26T15:24:00.001-08:00

Well, I just got a call this morning from Primary Children's and it was the call that I had a feeling I would get... I guess they had 2 babies born last night that are going to need emergency surgeries and the PICU is already overflowing with RSV cases so they are going to have to reschedule Cooper's surgery for Friday, March 5th instead! I am so bummed...of course I am not excited for the surgery but I am excited to just get it over with. We have all been counting down the days until March 1st and now we have to wait another 4 days...Aghhh! Oh well, it will be fine, I am just so impatient...but it will be good to get started on a weekend and my kids just happen to be out of school on Friday so that will be nice. It will all work out:)

I just thought I'd let everyone know what's going on so you don't panic when you don't get an update from us next week. Again, I want to thank all of my sweet family, friends, and neighbors for all the yummy treats, the girl talks, and especially your prayers. It feels so amazing to be surrounded by such great people who care so much about me and my little family. I love you all and I will continue to keep you updated.

On a lighter note...

2010-02-26T15:08:00.000-08:00

Of course I couldn't post without a picture so here are some cute ones I took of Cooper the other day while we were at work. He was showing off all of his tricks and I thought they showed his personality so cute, in case you can't tell he loves getting his picture taken:)

Celebrating Life...

2010-02-17T11:01:00.001-08:00

We had the awesome opportunity to go see Paul Cardall in concert on Monday night and it was absolutely amazing! It was his first concert since he had his heart transplant and he was so grateful to be back performing again. He has such an incredible and inspiring story to tell and he is so very talented. I, of course was bawling like a baby through half of it, but I was so glad we went. It was truly a memorable night! You can read what he had to say about it and see some pics on his blog: http://mytricuspidatresia.blogspot.com/

It was so neat to look through his pictures in the slideshow that was rolling while he played his incredible music because he had his heart transplant at Primary Children's Hospital and we recognized so many faces and places in the pictures. Judd and I remembered seeing Paul's piano in the lobby and we actually saw him playing it a few times as we walked through the hospital to Cooper's room during his surgery last year. We had no idea who he was at the time but after the concert we both remembered seeing him and hearing his beautiful music. We also learned that Dr. Kaza was the surgeon that performed Paul's heart transplant and he is our surgeon too. He operated on Cooper last time and he will be doing his next surgery as well. That made us feel pretty good and we know that Cooper will be in good hands. Primary Children's Hospital is such an amazing place and we know that they will take great care of our little guy.

CHD Awareness Video...

2010-02-17T10:58:00.000-08:00

Paul Cardall put together this amazing video. It really is beautiful...

CHD AWARENESS VIDEO

Heart video...

2010-02-17T10:40:00.000-08:00

I just came across this short video about the human heart on the internet and thought I'd share it. When I was told that my baby had a heart defect I didn't really even know what that meant. I wanted to learn as much as I could about the heart, but a lot of what I read was really complicated and confusing. I loved how basic this video was and it's super easy to understand. Click below to check it out.

HEART ANATOMY video.

blessings and blankies...

2010-02-10T16:46:00.000-08:00

I know it seems like all I am blogging about lately is Cooper's surgery, but I thought this was such a neat story I just had to share it...

A few weeks ago we took Cooper up to PCMC to do an echo. They had to sedate him so that they could get the best images of his heart that they possibly could. I always hate it when they have to sedate him, they put an iv in him and then I just hold him until his eyes roll back and he's out. It's such a weird feeling and not one that I enjoy. I was also just nervous as to what they would find since it seems like every time we do an echo we get bad news. Braxton was particularly upset that morning too and he called me several times from school worrying about him. He is so sensitive and it is really hard to see how much he worries about his baby brother. It was kindof a crazy morning, between all of the emotions and worrying and the fact that he couldn't eat or drink anything after midnight I was about to go crazy! By the time they got him in and ready it was 11:30 am and he was so hungry and grumpy from being poked. He was not a happy camper so the nurse gave him this cute little stuffed dog to cheer him up.

For those of you who know Cooper, you know how much he loves doggies. He is obsessed, so it really comforted him to have a new little doggie friend and I was just relieved that he now had something to take his attention off of yanking his IV out. A few minutes later we went into the echo room and when we walked in there was this darling little dalmatian doggie blanket laying on the bed. He was now overjoyed and the IV was no longer an issue. In my head I silently thought, Wow...somebody must have known he loves doggies:)

Shortly after he was sleeping soundly and the echo was over before we knew it. When we were finished the tech told us to keep the blanket and take it home with us. I knew how happy that would make him and as he woke up in the recovery room he pointed to each little doggie on the blanket and smiled. It was so cute.

Well, later that day when we got home Braxton was just getting off the bus. He ran through the door, excited to see his baby brother and when I showed him his new toy and blanket Braxton looked at me in amazement...He didn't say a word, he just picked up the blanket and touched it and inspected it for a long time. After a while he looked at me and said,

"Mom, I made this blanket."

"What? When did you ever make a blanket?" I asked.

He looked at me like I was a five year old and said "Ummm, don't you remember when we made those blankets for school at Christmas time?"

Right when he said that I totally remembered getting the notes from school talking about how the kids were making blankets for a service project for Christmas. I even remembered Braxton telling us that he was working on a doggie one and that it was his favorite. It seemed crazy to me that this could actually happen but I knew that it had.

The next day I just happened to be helping out in Braxton's school class so I casually asked his teacher about the blanket project and she confidently told me that they had donated many blankets to Primary Children's Hospital during the holidays.

I couldn't believe that out of all of the items that are donated to the hospital every year and out of all of the kids that are admitted to Primary Children's Hospital every year little Cooper ended up with the doggie blanket that his big brother had worked on. Braxton and I talked about it later and we both agreed that Heavenly Father knows how much Braxton loves his baby brother and how hard it is for him to be away from him sometimes, especially when he is sick. So maybe this was his way of letting him know that he could always have a little piece of him with him and that they would both be comforted by it.

I know for me it was just a small little miracle that shows me how mindful Heavenly Father is of all of us and our struggles and challenges. He hears and answers our prayers, weather it's a worried mom or a scared little 8 year old...He hears us and he knows what we are going through. He knows what we need...even if it's just something as small as a little doggie blanket to help calm us down. He is listening...

Date night with Paul...

2010-02-10T10:47:00.000-08:00

This is going to be great...His story is so inspiring! I think this would be such a fun date night, and for an awesome cause. I know me and my hubby are going:)

Heartfelt words...

2010-02-10T10:05:00.000-08:00

I found this on another heart blog and thought I'd share. It's beautiful and I'm sure a lot of you can relate...

Beautiful CHD Awareness Week Poem

Somewhere...someplace... today...
A family is waiting to hear...
Is something wrong with their baby?
The answers aren't quite clear...
This family has entered an unwanted world...
And they just don't know what to expect...
Somewhere...someplace... today
They first heard the words: heart defect.
And how they hoped this was not true...
And thought... this cannot be...
I too... know just how this feels...
For one day...this was me.

Somewhere...someplace...today...
A man and a woman embrace...
Their baby is in surgery...
They long to see her face...
They haven't got to hold her yet...
Without...a cord or line...
They pace the room awaiting news...
And hope she'll be just fine.
Prayers fill this busy waiting room...
And mom and dad are scared...
Somewhere...someplace..today...
The tiniest hearts are repaired.

Somewhere...someplace...today...
A child's growing fast...
Smiling,laughing,thriving...
His mom thinks...can this last?
It's almost easy...to forget...
That anything is wrong...
Somewhere...someplace..today...
Her child seems so strong.

Somewhere...someplace... today...
A little boy fights...just to live
A father holds his tiny hand...
His love...all he can give...
The doctor's are all baffled...
They fear that he might die...
Somewhere...someplace...today...
A family says goodbye...

Somewhere...someplace...each year..
More than 40,000 families will see...
What it means...when something's wrong...
They'll face a CHD.
Today...for just a moment...
Stop...remember...reflect...
Make time to tell someone you know...
"I've been changed by a heart defect".

Author - Stephanie Husted

2010-02-10T09:53:00.001-08:00

Groundhog Day...(part 2)

2010-02-09T16:36:00.001-08:00

I feel like I am trapped in the movie groundhog day...You know, the one where the guy wakes up every single day and the same things happen over and over again no matter what he does to try and change them. Well, if you haven't seen it, it's a classic...and pretty funny, but the groundhog day/week/month/year I am having isn't funny at all. It just completely sucks, and I have decided that I officially hate the 3 month stretch from January-March. Besides the fact that they are the yuckiest, most boring months of the year with nothing to look forward to except spring, which never seems to come fast enough...it is also the 3 month stretch that changed our lives last year when we found out that our sweet little baby Cooper had a heart defect and was going to need open-heart surgery to fix it.

I remember that day so clearly, it was January 28th last year and when we found out it was like the whole world stopped. Nothing was the same and those last yucky winter months seemed to drag on as we waited for the news about what was to come. We waited to get in to see the cardiologist, and then waited for the echo date, and then waited for the results, and then waited to find out the surgery date, and then waited for the surgery day to come, and then waited to see our sweet little guy again, and then waited to be able to hold him again, and then waited to be able to take him home, and then waited for him to get better...it was a lot of waiting and I am not a patient person!

I remember waking up every day and feeling the same way every single day...anticipation, fear, guilt, stress, overwhelming emotion...it was just so much to handle. I remember driving the kids to school, going to work, taking them to basketball practice and just waiting...waiting and wondering and stressing. every. single. day.

Well a lot has happened in the last year, but this year on January 22nd I entered into my groundhog day dream again when the cardiologist sadly informed us that our sweet little baby Cooper, who is now a sweet little 18 month old big boy, was going to have to endure it all again. He told us that Cooper has quite a bit of scar tissue now built up around his heart and one of his valves is leaking pretty badly and will need to be repaired and the only way to fix it is open-heart surgery #2.

Now as I go about my day and drive the same icy roads on my way to work and I take the kids to school and to basketball practice and I drive through the slush and gunk up to Primary Children's I have the exact same feeling that I had at this time last year and it just sucks. I want it to go away so badly and I want to wake up and find out that it was all just a stupid groundhog day dream, but I know I won't and I know that this is real life and it's gonna be tough...but we'll get through it.

On March 10th last year our little guy had his surgery and it was by far the hardest day of my life but he made it though and did great and this year on March 1st he will have to go through it all again but we are confident that he will do great again and hopefully this stinkin' groundhog day dream can be put to rest!

Again, I debated on even posting about this. I don't want it to seem like I am trying to get attention or sympathy or anything. I just decided to post about it to let everyone know how much we appreciated your support and prayers as we went through all of this last time. As I sat in the hospital room last year during his surgery waiting and wondering and stressing, so many of your sweet faces came to my mind and I truly felt your love for me and my family and especially little Cooper, and it really helped us to get though it. You will never know how much you have all touched my life and it means so much to me to have so much love and support from our friends and family and even complete strangers. I know that I could never get through something like this without all of you and without the gospel in my life. I have truly been strengthened and lifted up so much during the past year few weeks and I know that Heavenly Father has a very special plan for little Cooper and he will take care of him. I will keep you all updated as I get more info...Thanks so much for your concern:)

brotherly love...

2010-02-09T16:34:00.001-08:00

Ok, I just had to grab my camera and take a quick pic of this today...it just melted my heart:)

First of all I have to say that I have the cutest, greatest, sweetest, smartest little 8 year old anyone could ask for. Braxton is such a helper and is just a little sweet heart, he never gives me a bit of trouble and is so darling with his brothers. I seriously don't know what I'd do without him.

Today after school he came in and asked if he could take Cooper outside to see the neighbors kitty. He loves the stinkin cat so much and freaks out every time he sees it. It is pretty cute, but I wasn't about to take him out in the snow myself. I was cooking dinner and wasn't really listening but muttered a "whatever, it's cold outside." and didn't think he would really follow through...Well a few minutes later after noticing that it was unusually quiet I thought I'd better check on the boys, I yelled down to the basement and when they didn't answer I realized he really did take Cooper outside. Fully expecting to see them both barefoot and with no jackets, I opened the front door ready to make them come in and I saw this.

Yes, Braxton put Cooper's shoes and jacket on all by himself and not only took him out to see the kitty, but opened the garage, loaded him into the stroller, buckled him in and took him on a full on walk all by himself...How cute is he? Now if only I could train Judd like that...

chillaxin...

2010-02-09T16:33:00.001-08:00

Life is so crazy, it just seems like we never have a chance to just chill out and relax together anymore...Judd and I are both so busy with work and now that the boys are getting older it seems like they have something going on every single night. Lately I have just been feeling a bit overwhelmed with all that I have to do and accomplish in a day and this weekend we had some things happen that made us all realize how precious life is and that we really need to just stop and enjoy it once in a while. So last night we decided that we were going to just relax and have a night in for once. We made a nice dinner at home and then baked home-made sugar cookies together. I know what you are thinking...yes, I baked and it was from scratch too! And they turned out delicious...I guess miracles really do exist:) I think maybe we'll try this more often...

Sunday best...

2010-02-09T16:24:00.001-08:00

I just had to take a few pics of my cute boys all dressed up in their Christmas clothes today before church. Aren't they handsome?

Too cute for words...

2010-02-09T16:17:00.001-08:00

I took Cooper out the other day and snapped a few pics of him...he is seriously the happiest, sweetest little thing on earth. We were out for about 30 minutes and I got these great pics, he couldn't be easier to photograph....I just can't get enough of his cute little cheesy smiles:)

And he's off...

2010-02-09T16:15:00.001-08:00

Cooper got this darling toy for his birthday and has had so much fun with it, he thinks he is so big now. It's the funniest thing to watch, it plays music when you push it and he gets so excited...he tries to dance and walk behind it at the same time, it is hysterical! He is getting so close to walking and has actually taken a few steps on his own, but when he's pushing his little lion toy you better watch out because he seriously runs behind it! This is by far the funnest age ever, I wish I could just freeze him at this age forever and eat him up:)

Cooper's 1st birthday...chocolate style:)

2010-02-09T16:13:00.001-08:00

Every year my kids get so excited to pick a theme for their birthday parties, they think about it all year long and they usually end up with some kindof super-hero or animal theme or something really messy and boyish. It's always kindof fun to look back at their parties and remember what they were into that year.

Well, ever since Cooper was old enough to understand the concept of eating he has been obsessed with CHOCOLATE! It is the funniest thing, every time he sees someone eating any kind of chocolate or if he hears a wrapper or anything he goes crazy...so we decided it would only be fair to give him a chocolate party!

My friend Jody made his amazing cake and I made some home-made oreo cookies and bunch of other chocolate treats, and we even had fondu! He was in heaven...as you can tell he was REALLY into his cake, he was so serious about it and enjoyed every last bite! It was so fun to have all of our family there to celebrate with us, and by the time the party was over and the sugar-high wore off he was all partied out and ready for bed...We sure love this little guy, Happy Birthday baby bear!!!

Look who's 1...

2010-02-09T16:07:00.001-08:00

As you can imagine, I have an overload of pictures from Cooper's Birthday party yesterday, so I will have to post them later, but here is his invitation. He was the cutest little one year old ever, he loved tearing into his gifts and was in heaven with his cake! The party was so much fun...I seriously could not love this little guy more, he is so adorable and such a happy little boy! Happy Birthday Coops, We LOVE you!!!

Our Beautiful Baby...

2010-02-09T15:46:00.001-08:00

So, I have been doing the pictures for several baby contests this summer and it has been so fun, so I decided to enter Cooper in the Saratoga Splash Baby Contest. I know...he is a boy, but boys can beautiful too right? There were actually tons of cute little boys that entered and I kinda figured they wouldn't have a chance against all the dolled up little girls, but surprisingly 3 out of the 4 winners for the different age categories were boys...and Cooper was one of them! It's no secret that we think he is the cutest baby ever, but it's nice to know that others agree:) It was so fun, he got some cute prizes and we got to be in the Parade. Cooper was such a little ham, as usual. He loved the attention and even learned how to wave by the end of the day...He now says Hi to everyone he sees and waves his little hands, it is pretty much the cutest thing ever:) I don't know what I ever did before we had Cooper in our family. It is so fun to have a baby again!

There's no place like home...

2010-02-09T15:44:00.001-08:00

Yipeee...we're home!!! It has been a LONG week but we are home and Cooper is doing great, we actually came home Saturday afternoon...Can you believe it? How is it possible to have open heart surgery and be home 4 days later? It is absolutely amazing to me...we feel so blessed that everything went so well and our little guy is happy and healthy again. As I posted before things weren't so good for some of the babies that were in the PICU with us. When we got home Judd's mom told us that she saw one of the babies who had passed away while we were there in the paper, her obituary said that she died during heart surgery on March 10th...How scary is that, I just keep thinking that that could have been Cooper. This whole experience has strengthened our family so much and I will never take for granted holding my baby again. It was so hard to watch him hurting so much and not be able to hold him. We were not able to hold him until he was breathing on his own...so we were very anxious to get his breathing tube out. When they were finally able to remove it he freaked out and was turning blue, he was in pain and so upset and wouldn't breathe so they had me and Judd stand next to him and try to talk to him and calm him...it worked, so a few minutes later they let me hold him and it was the most amazing moment we have ever shared...I think it was even more special than the first time I ever held him (when he was born) because I now appreciated him so much more. I was so happy, and even though he was still hooked up to dozens of tubes and iv's I knew he was going to be fine- nothing else mattered. He was so hungry and hadn't eaten for over 2 days so the nurse suggested that I try to give him a bottle of pedialite. Anyone who knows Cooper knows that he has NEVER taken a bottle of any kind before. I was so worried about this that before his surgery I think I tried every bottle and sippy-cup ever made and nope...nothing. So you can imagine our shock when he latched right onto the bottle and sucked the entire thing down! I was seriously in shock and an hour later he was nursing again and on his way back to his sweet little self. After he was eating again the tubes started coming out one by one, it was so exciting to start seeing our little guy improving and looking more like himself. We had some AMAZING nurses in the PICU that took such good care of all of us. Primary Children's Hospital is such an awesome place, they seem to think of everything. They really do care about their patients and their families so much. Braxton and Dawson were obviously very worried about their baby brother so the nurse suggested they meet with a family specialist. She sat down with them and did an entire class with them on what to expect Cooper to look like and she even gave them these little hospital dolls that they were able to dress and put iv's and band-aids and stuff on so that they were familiar with what Cooper would have on him. They were so cute when they saw him for the first time, they love him SO much and it was so cute to see how excited they were to have him home again. They are taking very good care of him now that we are home and they are such big helpers. The look on Cooper's face when he got home was priceless...He SMILED so big and just looked around in complete delight. It is so good to have this all behind us...I have grown more this week than I could have ever imagined. As I said before, this experience has made us all so much stronger and helped us all realize how precious life is and how much we love each other. I missed my boys so much and now have a much deeper appreciation for them and their sweet little personalities. They are such good kids, and Judd was amazing. He was so comforting and nurturing and never left Cooper's side the entire time. We both slept there all 4 nights, and although it was the most uncomfortable night's sleep ever, it was so comforting to have him by my side. I could have never done this without him and without the love and support of all of our family and friends. We now realize how special our little Cooper is, and like I said before...I know that Heavenly Father has great things in store for him. He is SO strong...when we were leaving the hospital me and Judd joked, "Cooper, you came into this hospital a baby and you came out a man!" It really is true, he is already back to his smiley self like nothing ever happened...AMAZING!!!

Cooper the Trooper (day #1)

2010-02-09T15:41:00.001-08:00

So our little guy made it through the surgery and is doing great...I can honestly say that the past few days have been by far the hardest days of my life, nothing I have ever experienced could even compare to this. Sittng in that waiting room during the 5 hour operation was the hardest part, we were so nervous and anxious. The nurse would come in and update us every hour and we would just count down the minutes until she was supposed to come in, but then as soon as we could see her walk out of the operating room to come and talk us we would dread what she was going to say, we were so scared it was going to be bad news...It was the best feeling in the world when she finally came out told us that the surgery was complete and we could go see him in the Intensive Care Unit!

I tried to prepare myself for what he would look like when I saw him for the first time, but I don't think I could have ever been prepared...no mother wants to see her baby like this:( It was pretty hard, and being in the PICU was incredibly hard for me. There are no doors or anything, it's just big open space with dr's, nurses, surgeons, and a million other people running circles around all of the sick little kids that are hooked up to dozens of machines and iv's. It was pretty intense...the first day we were there 3 different families lost a child and it was so heartwrenching to see it all!

We were SO glad when he finally got to his own room a few days later and we could finally focus on his recovery instead of all of the emotion in the PICU.

I will update more tomorrow...I am pretty exhausted, but I wanted to post a little bit since so many people have been calling and texting me asking about him. He is doing so good, he is a little fighter and we feel so blessed to have such a special little baby...Thank you all for your support and prayers, We love you!!!

The big day...

2010-02-09T15:39:00.001-08:00

Well, tomorrow is the big surgery day, and I don't think I have ever been so nervous in my life. I feel really good about everything, and obviously he needs the surgery, but the thought of my sweet, beautiful baby enduring so much pain just breaks my heart. Cooper is the sweetest little thing, Judd and I had to take him this morning to do some final tests before surgery and he was actually smiling at the nurse while she was taking his blood...Seriously, could he be any sweeter? I feel so blessed to be his mommy and I know that Heavenly Father has big plans for him. We had an awesome night tonight, we had my parents and Judd's parents and both of our grandparents over to give Cooper a blessing, and me and Judd were able to get one too. The spirit was so strong and I know that our family will get through this and it will only bring us closer. I am just looking forward to putting this all behind us and enjoying my beautiful boys! Thank you all for our prayers, we have received so much love and support from our friends and family and we appreciate it so much...I will try to keep you updated on our little sweetie:)

Our precious baby...

2010-02-09T15:36:00.001-08:00

So, I took Cooper to his 6 month check-up back at the end of January and during his well-visit our pediatrician discovered that he has a little heart murmur, he assured me that it probably wasn't anything to worry about but wanted us to get a chest x-ray just to be safe. So, of course I rushed him over to the hospital and they did the x-ray that same day. I was a little worried, but everyone seemed to think he was going to be just fine so I didn't stress too much about it until I got a call later that night from Dr. Edwards saying that the x-ray showed that his heart was a little larger than normal and there was more blood in his lung area than there should be. I panicked of course, and we called called up to Primary Children's to get in with a cardiologist to find out more. I was really nervous for the entire 2 weeks until we were able to get in to see the Dr, so when they had a cancellation I jumped on it and was able to get in a few days earlier than expected. Since it was such short notice Judd wasn't able to come with us, but I didn't think much of it and anxiously took him in hoping to get some good news and move on. I really wasn't expecting anything too scary.

When I finally got there they did an EKG and an ECHO and we were there for SO long...the Dr. kept asking to get more pictures and more tests and poor Cooper was exhausted and just wanted to go home...and so did I! I was freaking out and just wanted to know what was taking so long and what was wrong. Finally, after about 4 hours the cardiologist came in and shut the door and looked right into my eyes and said. "I have been dreading telling you this, but you son has a serious heart defect." I about died...I was so shocked and terrified and I just wished that Judd was there so bad! The Dr. was so sweet and explained everything to me and told me that he was going to have to have heart surgery and that we were scheduled to go up to Primary again in a few days to get some better pictures and get a better idea of what we were dealing with.

I don't know how, but I drove myself home, called Judd and had a little melt-down...

Since then we have had many more tests done and Cooper and I both have had blessings. We have had to wait for awhile to find out exactly what the surgeons wanted to do, but we just found out on a few days ago that he will be having heart surgery on March 10th.

I questioned if I should even post about this, since it isn't your typical casual topic, but everyone keeps asking me about him and I figured that the more people who know, and are praying for him the better... I have a very strong testimony of prayer and the priesthood and I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to be comforted and strengthened through these blessings. I don't know what I would do without the Gospel in my life right now, I am amazed at what peace it has brought to me and my family already, and I know it will continue to be there as we go through this trial.

Thanks to all of our friends and family who have been so thoughtful. We appreciate your support and prayers more than you will ever know...

xoxo...love Cooper

2010-02-09T15:35:00.001-08:00

How could I not post these?